Week 9 – Beauty for Ashes

I’m ashamed.

On Monday of this week, I had the extreme honor of being the featured blogger on the Digital Connections/Name Gathering webinar. I had so many people who visited my blog, commented on my posts and tweeted them. I heard from so many who said I had encouraged them, and how blessed they were to read my posts.

Then the delirium of Thanksgiving and the trappings hit. And then I fell. I fell way, way down. Completely out of harmony with MKMMA, and what I have been learning, and embracing, and practicing.

The fact that my birthday was the same day as Thanksgiving made things worse. My birthday is always emotional – has been since I left my parents’ home decades ago. You see, our birthday traditions were exciting, and went all day. My mother made sure there was always a cake, whatever kind we wanted, and then my sisters kicked everything up several notches. The birthday wakeup when each sister (I have three) kissed me the number of years I was celebrating in this world. The pinches, the tickles…it’s something each of us got when it was our birthday. It may sound extreme, but it is what made our birthdays special to us. The joy of being together made it special, and each year that we are apart from each other makes it a sad birthday.

In addition to that, it felt like my husband was more concerned about Thanksgiving. That was not a good feeling. When my eldest sister called for my birthday, and I told her how I was feeling, she encouraged me to “reach for the happy”, and to pluck the happiness out of whatever was going on. Talk about a wakeup call, and confirmation of everything I have been learning in the MKMMA program. As we hung up, I dried my tears and tried to reach for the happy. I won’t say that I was successful. In fact, later that day, I slipped again. The old peptides were happy.

You know what, though? Today, and every day we are given, is a new day. A friend asked how my birthday was and I told her it was tiring and emotional. She asked if it was because of my dad (he passed away in July 2014). I told her yes, and other things. She offered to listen, which I appreciated. But I did not want to talk – I just wanted to start afresh. I wanted to know that I could be fine again, and be positive, and leave the day that had been so rough completely behind. And so I did.

Darned old blueprint and peptides. I will rule you yet. I will form good habits and become their slave. I greet each day with love in my heart.

 

 

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  • Ambush says:

    How wonderful that you’ve started this day afresh! Even though you fell down yesterday, that simple choice shows that your new blueprint is getting stronger 🙂

  • Chiara says:

    Hi Suzanne! Do not feel ashamed. On the contrary be proud of yourself and all that you achieved so far, which is amazing. We all fall and rise again, it is part of our humanity.

  • Liane says:

    Life is not a straight line, it is a windy road and yes we have to get over those stretches that feel heavy, uncomfortable and difficult. But to advance we have to walk these stretches too. So keep moving, the sun is there it is just sometimes hidden behind the clouds.

    • Suzanne says:

      Wow, Liane. That is beautiful and nicely written. You have no idea how much our call on Saturday encouraged me. Thank you so very much. I am blessed to have you walking alongside me.

  • Anne Chambers says:

    You will get there!! We are all learning to make different choices and you have a great attitude. Thank you for sharing your story..

    • Suzanne says:

      Thanks, Anne! I have been so encouraged to hear other’s journeys and experiences. It is good to know that mine is just as encouraging to other people as well.

  • Just got to get over and see your blog as Davene suggested. Funny my birthday was Nov 30 and I always struggle with it. A person didn’t show up for a webinar, and I think because it was my birthday, I figured they should have, even though they didn’t know, and I always seem to be so glad when the day is over, even though I look forward to it. But as you say, I think because of the course I did better at starting over again. Glad you were so loving with your daughter!

    • Suzanne says:

      Happy Belated Birthday, Connie!!! I am glad you were able to start over more easily. Practice, practice, practice, right? 😉

  • Such a genuine and authentic post! Thank you for sharing!

  • Yvette says:

    This has probably has happened to all of us at one point.
    I do wish your hubby kissed you the amount of your birthday 😗😗😗😗😗😗😗😗😗😗😗😗😗😗😗😗😗😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘