Week 8 – Did I Really Do That Just Now?
It’s coming. Ever so slowly. Progress, that is.
Mark tells us not to let perfection be the enemy of the good. I like that. In other circles, it is said like this: “Progress, not perfection.”
One of the most overarching parts of my old blueprint was my quick temper. My moods could, and would, change on a dime. It was exhausting – to me, and to everyone around me. I am so glad I am changing that.
One of my pet peeves in communication is having to repeat myself. It bothers me to no end, and makes me feel unloved. I’m working on that too – realizing that someone not listening to me doesn’t mean I am unimportant or unloved; it is a reflection on something happening with them. It doesn’t mean I am less than.
I was sharing something with my husband yesterday when he showed me something. In the moment, my frustration about being interrupted took over. I moved away, physically, mentally and emotionally. As I got ready to leave the room, I stopped. There was no conscious thought about it, but I did it. One of the things that my husband hates is when I am upset, but I leave the room without telling him what has upset me. In the act of stopping right then, I was able to realize that he was not being unloving. He did not mean to disrespect me. I expressed my frustration, not in terms of him being wrong, but in terms of how it made me feel. Showing him the love and respect of explaining my feelings without blaming him diffused the situation. He apologized, and explained why he had interrupted me. I understood where he was coming from. He understood where I was coming from.
How often have I been able to do this, to express my feelings lovingly and respectfully, at the beginning, rather than at the end, after an argument? Frankly, not nearly enough. Too often we argue first and then talk after.
Baby steps. Isn’t that what this process is all about? 🙂