Week 24 – Commencement and the person I am becoming
The truth is that I was not as faithful to the MKMMA course as I should have been.
Having said that, it’s amazing how quickly these six months have flown, and how grateful I am that I not only started the process, but that I stayed in it. Even though I have not been as faithful as I could/should have been, there have been definite changes. These days, the phone does not scare me nearly as much as it did. A weight has been lifted off me, and as I have realized that I am nature’s greatest miracle, because I am made in His image (and God doesn’t make junk), I have been able to move forward like I have not in a great many years.
I believe I have become more loving, and am doing better with mastering my emotions. The things that would usually annoy me have not been as annoying as they would have been in the past. I have become more of an observer and less judgemental. I am actually so much more aware of any judgemental thoughts that happen into my mind, and I can quash them by saying, “Isn’t that interesting,” or “Hmmmm….”
The end of the active portion of this course makes me sad that I didn’t play full out, but happy that I played in the game, and STUCK IT OUT. Frankly, this is not what I would usually do, since in the past I have often started and not finished. As hard as it is to admit that, I feel like it’s important to say that. The continued assignments, the accountability – they helped so tremendously with what I wanted to accomplish here with the MKE.
I’ve not been much of a TV watcher for many years, simply because it takes precious time away from other more important things that I need to be doing. So the occasional movies in this course, and the video clips were a treat. More than that, though, they helped cement the lessons we were learning.
My favorite one (and that was hard to choose, since I have enjoyed them all) was this one, that we watched in class last week.
Every time I watch it, I cry, or at least get teary-eyed. The reason is that we’ve all been changed by circumstances and people in our lives. Whether good or bad, everything we have been through, everyone who has been a part of our lives, has been instrumental in getting us to the point that we are at. Whether we have made good choices or not so great ones, we live (and die) by our experiences. The best we can do is to do exactly what we have learned how to do here in the MKMMA course – to be the observer, to speak good things into our lives, to love, and to control our emotions and our thoughts. And, of course, for professing Christians, to be like Christ in thought, word and deed. Then again, seems to me that the latter is the same as the former. 😉
The Bible puts it like this in Matthew 12:34-37 (NKJV):
34 Brood of vipers! How can you, being evil, speak good things? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. 35 A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good things, and an evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth evil things. 36 But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment. 37 For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”
As I look back at every difficulty I have faced and overcome in my life, I am humbled that not only did God see fit to lead me through it, but He has also used it to strengthen and mold me into who I am today. The marriage that did not last and that produced so much pain, also produced this amazing person who I am proud to call my daughter. You can check her blog out here. Going back to that video above, had her father and I not gotten together, she would never have been born. Because I truly believe she has a mission in life that will touch many, many people in the world, either directly or indirectly, I think that would have been sad.
So do I believe everything happens for a reason? Yes. I believe in free will – making our own choices that may or may not reflect God’s wishes and plans for us. I believe that we can also choose what we focus on inwardly, which affects what happens outside. And I believe that sometimes, stuff happens. When stuff happens, we still have the choice of how we respond to it – will we be loving (Scroll II), persistent (Scroll III) and manage our emotions (Scroll VI), seeing the good and learning? I, for one, plan on continuing to do exactly that. What about you?