Week 20 – The Cement is Being Chipped Off
Yesterday I had a massive self-revelation. I’m not really sure it has to do with anything this week specifically, but it is evidence that things are moving in the right direction.
Introspection is easy at times for me, and very difficult at other times. Enlightening and yet painful. And in both instances, there is power.
I’ve lived in the U.S. for over 14 years. In most of those years, I have operated some kind of business and/or worked as a newspaper journalist. Both have always been dreams of mine. So really, I’ve been blessed by getting to live out my dreams. I was successful as a newspaper journalist – I was well-respected for great writing, being fair to all parties concerned, I asked hard questions, and overall my articles (stories in newspaper parlance) were extremely well-received.
In my businesses, however, the story was different. I have not worked as hard at my businesses, for various reasons. The successes have not been as great.
I’ve put up a lot of “reasons” why that was the case. A miscarriage, homeschooling, and other things, but the fact is that I was not prioritizing my time, and even bigger – I wondered what the folks who had thought so much of me would think of me doing network marketing. It turns out that these days, I need more approval than I did in high school. I’ve known that for a while, but I had not really figured out why. Until last night.
I was listening to a presentation by one of the top level ladies in my company, about something I have really been trying to figure out how to do. As I listened to her presentation, I was so thankful that she was sharing the details of what I have wanted to do for so long that I was in tears. And then I called her, to explain how much her sharing the information was going to impact me, and how excited I was to have it. I know it must have been very strange to talk to someone who she probably did not even remember meeting last year who was in tears while talking on the phone.
When I got off the phone, I was telling my mastermind partner (my teenage daughter) about the call, and how I had had on blinders almost, thinking so much about this one thing…and then it hit me. Because I had had that FOCUS – that determination and INTENT that Mark and Davene have been talking about for the entire MKMMA course – the method appeared. And it was even easier, because someone else had done the hard part of figuring it out, and had shared it. At that point, AGAIN, I realized that even imperfect application of the principles we have been learning, yields great results. If we will but trust the process, what we want and what we are focusing on, will come!!!
So that was Revelation #1.
As I listened more and more to the presentation as we drove home, Kristi mentioned her corporate background, and I had an aha moment. I’ve never worked in my field of marketing and marketing research since I left Jamaica. Yes, I have applied principles of marketing in my businesses to varying degrees, but on a corporate level, I have not done that here, in the U.S. I’ve been a serial entrepreneur (NOTHING wrong with that), and a writer, and, I will say it, a successful homeschooling mom, but in not working in the marketing field, I was subconsciously forgetting my roots, and my capabilities, and even to some degree, my formal education. Now that I say that, it sounds silly. But it’s true. In identifying as a writer and homeschool mom only, I was ensuring that no one who knows me here knew about the degree and my work experience – my years of marketing, marketing research, public relations, and advertising, and my accomplishments in these fields.
In not tapping into THOSE skills, I was not honoring my full self, and making myself seem smaller. Because no one knew those things, I was feeling less than, less respected. Therefore needing more approval. I felt strong and powerful in Jamaica. For 2/3 of my life, it was home. In jamica, I persevered under pressure, overcame my shame over a failed marriage and survived single momhood. But now I realize that no matter where I am, what country I live in, I AM strong. I haven’t changed because of where I live. If anything, I have grown stronger. I am mighty and I am powerful. No more will I shirk my greatness, no more will I play small. That serves no one – not me, not my family (especially my girls, who I strive to be an example for) and not the world. That cement? It’s finally being chipped off to reveal the Golden Buddha that is Suzanne. May I never be covered with cement ever again.