Out with the old, in with the new, Master Key style
This past Sunday we had to look at ourselves for 50 minutes – no, it’s not a typo – 50 minutes while saying a one line summation of our DMP. For the first 30 minutes, I looked at myself in the mirror and thought, “You are such a fraud. That’s not true. How can you say that?”
I tried – I really tried – to get that thought out of my head. Geez, it was annoying. Frustrating. It made me angry that I couldn’t control that thought.
I looked at the timer on my phone. I rationalized that no one would really know if I stopped early. Just because my daughter was in the room next to me, saying her one line DMP, did not mean she would know, if I ended up moving downstairs before I stopped. I mean, what was the big deal with 50 minutes, saying one sentence over and over and over again???? Old subby was fighting hard, I’ll give that to her.
The new subby refused to give up. Mark had said this was a defining moment, and that we needed to do this. I had committed to doing it. What did it matter that it seemed ridiculous? Was I really going to lose my integrity because my old blueprint was trying to convince me that no one would be the wiser? Was I really going to let my old blueprint win? Hell no.
I stuck with it. And at around minute 30, with 20 minutes to go, that thought that had been nagging at me – it got silent. Not quiet. SILENT. As in, kaput – no more. Zilch. Nada. And me? I started really getting into what I was saying, that one sentence. And I started really emoting. I got comfortable looking myself in the eye. And at the end? Well, I was a very different me than the one I had started out with. These exercises – they seem crazy, off-the-wall sometimes…but oh my goodness….they work!!! They take us out of the dark, negative place most of us have lived in for most of our lives, where we downplay everything good we’ve done, and focus on all the stuff we have gotten wrong, done badly.
The other big exercise this week was to make cards with one accomplishment, big or small, or trait on each card, with a minimum of 30 cards, but preferably 50. We were to re-write our affirmation cards and make duplicates. Twice a day, we were to flash through a set of shuffled cards and relive each accomplishment and truly feel each one. When I started making the cards, I was able to go at a steady clip – to about the 20th card. And then, I slowed down. I had a really hard time thinking about things – whether large or small – that I had accomplished. That made me sad. It also underscored how much I have downplayed my achievements in life. I wondered if anyone else was having the same trouble that I was. I was able to get through the exercise of making the cards, and since it was late, and time for bed, I put them aside for the next day.
To me, there is nothing like leafing through a stack of cards that say I homeschooled my daughter through high school, or I have integrity, or am a good listener, or trained my girls in good manners, or coached soccer…and reliving each of those experiences, one at a time. Remembering the cuddles on the couch during school, the smell of the grass as the six year olds ran up and down the soccer field while I put them through their paces…heck, it makes me emotional now, just writing about reliving it.
Mark, Davene, and the rest of the troops – this experience is like nothing else. THANK YOU!!!